This is a project that needs some pre-planning, but once set up it can be repeated for years to come.
While it may seem like a daunting task to find all these ingredients, the first four are readily available through just two sources.
Scopolamine, Hyoscyamine, and Atropine can be grown in your backyard garden by planting Datura spp. and collecting the seeds once ripe. Datura is a lovely, easy to grow plant for the garden. If properly managed, extra seeds can be saved for future planting.
Depending on the species, Datura can grow from 1’ to 5’ tall, and have white, yellow, or purple trumpet-shaped flowers. When preparing to plant, it’s beneficial to soak the seeds in warm water for 24 hours before starting them indoors under a bright light, for 6 to 8 weeks before the last frost.
Once Datura is established, plant in a full sun location. It prefers well drained soil, rich in organic matter. Make sure to water regularly, particularly during dry weather. Use a slow release fertilizer, and pinch the growing tips to promote a bushier plant.
Allow the flowers to wither on the plant; the spiky seed pods are ready to pick when they are dry and brown. Open the pods to collect the seeds, and store in a cool, dry place.
Next is the newt, for the Tetrodotoxin. If you live near newt habitat, you can add a wildlife pond to your garden and wait for them to move in. If time is of the essence, you can instead trundle down to your local newt pond in the spring.
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| D. Veljacic - Rough-skinned Newt |
Our native newt is the Rough Skinned Newt, or Taricha granulosa. They are a relatively large salamander with rough, dark orange/brown dorsal skin paired with a bright orange belly.
Rough Skinned Newts spend most of their time under cover objects, such as rotting logs, in the forest. During early spring, the male’s skin becomes smooth and they travel to still, permanent water bodies full of aquatic plants. Females will lay their eggs, one at a time, on the stems of aquatic plants and submerged twigs near the surface of the water.
Once you’ve collected your newts, gently annoy them so they will excrete their juices. You’ll know you’ve succeeded when the newt arches its’ back, lifting its’ head and tail backwards off the ground, and straightens its’ legs outwards. This is their defensive posture, known as the unken reflex.
Make sure to wear nitrile gloves to protect the newts from any irritants on your skin, and collect the creamy secretions with a glass eye dropper or pipette. Store the secretions in a cool, dry place until your Datura seeds are ripe and you’re ready to make the magic happen.
Grind the Datura seeds, bone, and charcoal into a fine powder, then thoroughly mix with the Tetrodotoxin. It’ll require some experimentation. It’s better to start with a very small amount, adding more as necessary.
If you haven’t chosen your subject, now’s the time.
Make a nice meal, adding your mixture to your subjects’ portion. Before long, you’ll notice their heart rate and breathing will drop to almost undetectable levels, and they’ll appear to be very dead. They will continue to be aware of what’s going on when under the affects of the tetrodotoxin, but the Dakura seeds will have them on a very, very wild drug trip.
Gently place your subject in the coffin, and hold a burial ceremony. Bury the coffin in the hole to really drive it home, and shortly after remember to dig it back up, removing your subject from the coffin.
Now, you have your very own zombie to do your bidding!
Don’t lose hope if it fails the first time, or few times. Remember, mistakes happen! That’s how we learn. The worst outcome is you just have to obtain a new coffin, and dig another hole.
This article is for entertainment purposes only. Both Datura and Rough Skinned Newts are hazardous to consume in any amount. Also, harassing wildlife is both illegal and unethical. Do not handle Rough Skinned Newts if you have open wounds, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly if you do have to handle one.
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